Some fragments from today. Last night I went out to give out treats. I guess the presence of others only made me realize how lonely/awkward I am, but now literally separated from them by a mask. It wasn't very fun, but I got to walk around town at night so that was redeeming.

It's an absurdist point of view
but it's the only way that I can see
This telescope is backwards
kaleido-no-scoping my sanity

They say gender is fracturing
So I melted it all down
Diluted and and dissolved
Turn that smile into a frown
My new looking glass now produces rainbows
When the wind blows
The pain goes

Did you look under this mask of mine
And discover nothing there?
Only loneliness and holiness in place of sole/soul ownership

I call it as I see it: so I call it ugly,
bearing a pennant bearing my sentence to bear this weary planet.
It's best symbolized in a burnt Baphomet.

I acknowledge you, ironically
Defeat you, sardonically,
Laugh at you, satirically
With no allies in reality.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear
Is that why I always see you when I give into fear?

This malignant mind of mine merrily murders mother's memories
  

11.1.23