microwave rape
  
  I already know who I am, why do I NEED to pretend? (Ratatouille)
  I know what I'm supposed to do!!! Get a job, get a cute girlfriend, and find something to do for the rest of my life in suburbia... 
  But what if you're confused and can't figure out what job to get? What if you're funny looking and you can't get a girlfriend?
  The awful truth that noone wants to hear, is that sometimes... being young, is a lot harder, than being dead. (Pump up the Volume)
  Of course, that's the problem-- go ahead, Bob express your feelings! (Grosse Pointe Blank)
  
  If I'd had a gun, I would have killed myself.
  I am starving for love. Yet I am so unworthy.
  
  I hate the smell of weed. It's incriminating, unavoidable.
  Fuck you Dostoyevsky, you too, God. 
  I can't afford you, or believe in you, and it annoys me to no end to be a nonbeliever. Self-isolating again. Bitch, I drink alone.
  Braindead worthless silent vague scumbag.
  Upload my consciousness so the misery machine can continue, lurking in the subways and trainstations of cyberhell, lingering in a personal purgatory.
  "How come I only saw one set of footprints?!"
  
  Yay, I'm officially fake and gay. 
  
  Fuck off, Nobody. Oh, right, I guess you did.
  Still hung up over that bitch?
  
  Waiting for my youth to die.
  
  [Writing this all in blue sharpie on white printer paper.]
  
  I give with cupped hands
  I live with chained feet
  I eat the fare of the beggar
  Take his joy and share his sorrows
  (As much as I can, 
  being from a different tribe.)
  
  I borrow your ears
  for no purpose at all
  Telling you what you knew all along.
  
  The has-beens tell me what to be
  The thoughtless tell me what to think
  I cut my teeth on vodka and ice
  Sharpen my tongue on truth
  That barbed stone
  that sickens my heart
  and makes me weak,
  that drives my blood
  to kill traitorous Peace.
  
  Yet.
  It is not so simple
  We listen for the faint noise
  and ignore the klaxon,
  oh fainthearted fools.
  
  
  O DESPAIR!
  TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!
  Where would I find such perfect shores to wreck myself upon? And odyssey, not in search but towards home, carrying nought buy my life, the ultimate spoil of war, a victory claimed by few (a perspective). The heart grows fonder in absence, and maybe wiser too.
  
  anatomy of dichotomy
  
  Some people put all their thoughts into a phylactery, but I won't let them go. I can't contain them all, they must necessarily be lost. It's ALL the whim of the tides, not just me. Everyone's in this doubt that maybe it won't really happen, maybe this WILL last, maybe this DOES mean something, and there's no peace in that doubt. It may be better to forget or to try to move on, but peace seems like a fake resolution, like deserting the war for truth. Only idiots have no doubt. Whereas I stare at the void, waiting for it to move. I can't rest with the doubt. "This too shall pass." Everything changes. "The only thing that stays the same is change."
  
  Books are like libations, I carouse and overween with a writer until I am exhausted or the work is done.
  
  I'm not ready to die until I have my answers or concede my foolhardy notions.
  Fool for God. (Russian holyman)
  
  Carve out my skull and give it a name, I give up.
  I'm not a writer, I'm just incapable of shutting the fuck up.
  
  Does anyone ever think
  Does anyone ever see
  Ever wonder why these
  bad things happen
  Or is it just me?
  
  You can take away all the guns
  You can take away all the knives
  But you can't take away
  all my hate.
  
  I would give you my tears
  That's not what you really want
  I am a clay man too.
  
  Don't say I'm weak
  Don't you even dare
  Take a walk in my shoes
  If you really care (ha)
  
  Don't take me serious
  Don't see me at all
  One day we'll get even
  count on it.
  
  Men can't share fears and insecurities, noone to talk to, and they won't talk.
  
  Fear wears a smile
  insecurity is genderless
  security is vaporized
  The American Dream is dead
  Our nation swallowed it whole
  Worship the big, beautiful corpse state
  Feed it burnt dollars
  and sex slaves
  and gasoline.
  
  I LOVE DEMOCRACY!
  RHYMES GREAT WITH HYPOCRISY!
  
  If we're counting footsteps, I've walked the whole world from my room.
  
  I don't need to CONVINCE you, just to bash your head in with things you're not used to yet.
  
  O gosh, I thought I was cured of schizo journaling...
  but the monster is within, and he/she is hungry...
  THIS particular branch of reasoning looks a bit like an inverted cross, or a barbed dildo... actually it has no significance at all. But Goddammit, it will persist.
  IT WILL SPREAD LIKE AN EAGLE'S WINGS OR SHAVED PUBESCENT LEGS. It will take root and flower and spread the seeds of more society-shaped shaping diseases, and it will have an autobiography and PR department staffed by the New Stoners Holy Rollers! It will have a fanclub and a meaning, it will get a presidential pardon, it will be a gigantic, massive fucking joke and only God will laugh.