ISOTOPE ISOLATION
SYNCOPATED SLAUGHTER
SCHEMATA DE ANIMA
SIBYLANT SAPIENCE
SANITY SYNTHESIS
SERVO SATIRE
CHRONIC ASSERTION
SORDID ASCENDANCE
OF A MACHINE GOD

mercy, honor, big-dick attitude, being the bigger man, walk softly with a big stick, chauvinism, chivalry, rules of engagement, justice, "the measure of a country is how they treat their POWs"

Officially Official Bullshit. Holy writ, martial law, license to kill, manifest destiny, manifesto, justification, rationalization, crusade, eviction notice, memo, ticket, "realism", Declaration of Independence, Magna Carta

Here I am, just another white man, passing you by in the parking lot. You don't see my horrors, the ones that rise and flicker with fearful prayer against my walls, contorting to the size of my convictions, laughing at my tenuous grasp on reality, my consumptive bitterness.
You don't have to see that. You'll hear about it in the news, when one of my descendants puts on a leather coat and shoots up a high school. Or when my brother bombs a hospital. It wasn't their fault, you see? God made them that way, handing out pamphlets on the side of the road.
Crows fly past and croak their omens unheard. They're about the only birds around here.
How easy it is to gather the sheep.
They don't know any better.

Who'll stand up for the broken? For the maimed? For the lonely? For the wreckage? For the tears? For the anger? For the lost? For the invisible? For the vanished? For the vanquished? For the Christian? For the confused? For the sorry? For the miserable? For the dead? For the living?
I'm sorry. (Is that enough?) It has to be.

Dependency feels so vital to intimacy. Who gains by distance? "Let me tell you instead what I lost." Danger of losing yourself is aesthetic. We adore risk, tease it. Without death we cannot live.

What bullshit. Romantics know nothing.

I assert agency because of the feeling of a lack of it. It's an insecurity. "I can say whatever I want however I feel!" Yeah, but there'll be consequences. Separate prices for withholding the truth and speaking your truth.

"I think; therefore I am"
I don't even know how I think, or even if I am. All I think is that I am. I can't prove anyone else or even myself is real, but to avoid being a psycho sociopath you assume that objective reality is real. Play the game by the rules.
My perception of reality was damaged.

When I woke up, the windowpane was strictly blue.

God is a tool.

I don't believe in God I just pretend. I'm trapped by my perception, not God. God is my projection.

GOTH
Garbed in the language of death
I play with your fears
Sad clowns have stories too

Above, ghostly wisps of clouds
Roll through the penumbra of heaven
The cold moon shines her radiant nexus

I don't need to die to be a ghost
Crawling on the sand
in the dark
Where no eye falls.

WANDER
We wander, we wander
Through the midnight forests
Or where there is plenty of moonlight
Or where there is none at all

We wander, we wander
Through troublesome dreams
of cursed and forgotten treasures
Of strange shores wicked and alien

We wander, we wander
Through skies brittle and pale
On soaring wings of black
On gusts of tempest air

We wander, we wander!
Through the shadows and August fire
Through cities in hellish choir
Through seas of endless desire

Yes, we wander, we wander
The faceless host moves ever onwards
Drifting ever farther
For whom the Night grows fonder

The uncomfortable writhing of a mind stretching in new directions and shedding old behaviors and assumptions; a mond diseased, infected, ugly.

I will not apologize. Or, I'll try.

Waves of sleep are crashing on my mind compounding layers of thoughts into a fine sediment.

Back to God. Something rests on nothing. The foundations float in air.

The measure of your love is a test of patience. I am waiting for everyone to die. Or to leave me? What's the difference?

Confidence. Believing you have something to add to the conversation. Conversely, noone knows you're an idiot until you open your mouth.

Wind as in Swine, Wind as in Swindle
Wound as in Sound, Wound as in Swooned

"To want something so much that when it denies you, you believe it must want to destroy you."
"This, then, is the darker side of whim."
"They all have that allegiance to the dark"
"Never greet a stranger in the night, for he may be a demon."
"Even the best act of seeing is necessarily the act of not seeing something else."
"You knew damn well I was a snake when you took me in."
"Somewhere between Heaven and Hell." -Johnny Cash

Players are just pawns
We meet and we're gone
Meaning so much more
Though as though we fawn

Crooked spine
Sapling heart
Waiting for written spring

Moonlight-on-brambles
Scratching my arms
When I should have grown wings

My suicide note
Is a bad joke
Just like everything
else.

"I can tell you've never been properly welcomed." Amen, neh?

Fitting, that a place I couldn't live in feels like home.

Equally (un)welcome everywhere.

Depression is withheld anger.

Observe nothing.

God is.

What do I owe you, well wishes?
numb. dull.
dumb. null.

"I don't hate you. Just everything you stand for."
"What's the difference?"
"I change my mind. I hate you."

"That was uncalled for."
"Your existence was uncalled for."

Security is so seductive.

I wish I could be like the saints
They look so pretty when they cry

One foot in front of the other
At the crossroads again

"You won't kill yourself, if you were going to you would have done it by now." Ouch, okay.

merciless muddled maudlin manic mystic mirthful maim
Godless Gnostic, Gypsy Goth.

allegiance
soubrette
Rogue's bell